I married you. (part 15)

Marriage encounter

Since, I was working in Ndola town and I was going at ‹‹Christ the King’s Cathedral church›› and Alice was working in Luanshya… We were given a couple Mr. and Mrs. Mwanza who started giving us lessons on ‹‹marriage life›› according to Catholic marriage doctrine. Mr. and Mrs. Mwanza’s couple was inspiring to us… we used to have lessons once in a week at their home place and Alice used to come every Wednesdays… each time we entered in their house we all felt at home…

The last lesson just a week before our wedding day was the best lesson that I and Alice shall never forget

‹‹James and Alice, Marriage is like a cage; those outside are desperate to get in, and
those inside are desperate to get out… and from my understanding, what makes a couple becomes desperate in that cage, is the means you used to get in it... some they use a SEX entrance, some use LOVE entrance and others the LEAVE entrance... Mostly, couples who get in the cage through sex entrance they suffer a lot, when marriage gets sick and they become desperate inside; Said Mr. Mwanza and Mrs. Mwanza concluded; thank God it can be cured if they are both willing…

“SEX ENTRANCE; this door is used mostly to young men and women in courtship… they think sharing sex at the stage of their relationship is health and helpful in strengthening their love… but in reality this becomes a disease in future ‹‹marriage life›› …sex is a very small aspect of love... with time you will understand that a health marriage is not built up by it but by real love… As a young woman in a relationship, you should learn how to keep your man’s fancy for you on fire… I mean; keep him desiring for it as you look forward for a wedding day… do not give in much for sex outside marriage, because it may become a disease in your marriage and you will not even realize the cause by then… you can only tell when you hear your partner in bed starts giving you excuses… ‹‹I’m tired… it’s too hot… we shall do it later…›› etc and later you see a couple start suffering from sexual starvation. Hence, one becomes desperate in that cage and later marriage dies…” said Mr. Mwanza.

“LOVE ENTRANCE; Love is a big body that can’t be reduced to sex making… If this door is used to get into your ‹‹marriage life›› the marriage will stand the test of time. Love is a inner influence; by inner influence I mean; …that feeling that comes in you when you look in the eyes of a person you love… when your eyes meets and you cannot speak …you get weak in the knees …your heart skips a couple of beats, your souls touch one another and a feeling inside you grows that none of you can put it in words, to make the other one understand… and since, you can’t define or describe it… you will both have task to put your feelings in practice so as to help your partner realize it… ‹‹marriage life›› suffers a lot if one of you does not know how to interpret his inner feelings into actions or in words… Besides, you both have a task to learn your friend’s language; by language here I mean; what you will say and only two of you can understand… your partners face should be a news paper that only your eye can read…” said Mrs. Mwanza.

LEAVING ENTRANCE; Let me just explain what Mr. Mwanza meant by leaving entrances, in the cage as we put it in today’s topic… many young men and women they love and hurry to get married but they do not understand what it means to LEAVE their family and make one family and one body with their partner... When God said; ‹‹a man shall leave his family and join a woman to become one body›› He did not mean leave in the sense of leaving and forgetting about your father and mother NO!!! But this leaving is where you become a head of your house and the head of kitchen… Alice, the head of kitchen I mean, when you visit your parents you should know that their kitchen is no longer yours and when your mother visits your house you should know that you are the head of that kitchen and never shall your mother get busy cooling for your husband… For you James, leaving means; been responsible of your young family and know the friends you associate with at working places or in society… If one still feels to belong to her or his maternal family even after marriage, then that becomes a disease in ‹‹marriage life.›› Because you will always want to go out to see your mother, old friends etc... Stay at home and make your husband has your new model of life… Said Mrs. Mwanza.

I married you. (part 14)

Our courtship

After two years of our distance relationship… we finally lived in the same region and we enjoyed our courtship for one year… The first time I asked Alice about our wedding, she said; “…why are you in a hurry…I will be happy to get married. But at the moment I am enjoying our courtship…” For real Alice; I too enjoy this period but it’s high time we got into the wed-lock. “…James, I’m afraid” why are you afraid…? I asked her and then she said; “Imagine hundreds of people flowing into the church just for us two; how will I behave before your parents, your family members and your friends at large, I’m too shy” hahaha… we laughed and then I said; Alice, come on! The time of shyness is gone and I think shyness was just an index of our future life… “I hope I will not have the same feeling I had the first time I kissed you…” How was your feeling; I asked her. “…I had to ask myself a lot of questions and I started reflecting on a “kiss” ‹‹why, what will I get from it, I love him but why should I kiss him›› so many questions that I had no proper answer to them all, to be sincere most of the time I did it unwillingly especially at the beginning… after sometimes I started feeling and understanding why I had to kiss you and why you were longing for it… Now that I feel we are one, I really enjoying kissing you, I long for it and now I know a kiss as to be enjoyed by both of us, you are not giving it to me and I’m not giving it to you but sharing what we have…” wow!!!! I never knew that was your feeling in the first place, I’m happy to learn that… So now tell me, you mean you are not ready to marry me…? “I was just joking I’m ready for the wedding but let’s look for days that we shall be both free from work” When I asked her about honeymoon she said; “James, about honeymoon I will be the me to choose the place where we shall go but be informed that it shall be in a typical village somewhere in your province”

copa del ley( Real Madrid Vs Barcellona 1-2)

I married you. (part 13)

I quarreled with her.

This was the first time I got upset with her, not because she wrote that but because she did not inform me. We have been talking on msn and texting a lot but why didn’t she tell me that…? As I was thinking that, she replied;

“If you were embarrassed over that, then I’m sorry I did not know that your girlfriends at school will be mad with you…”

After reading this sms, I got more upset with her, so in the evening I called her on ‘msn’ and we talked for at least 3 hours… during this talk Alice, spoke less… she was not herself... Alice, are you sure just that sms I wrote has made you so sad that you don’t even what to talk nicely with me? I asked her… “No… no… ” she said. What could be the reason then…? What have I done dear? You know that I’m not happy to hear you in this tone of your voice…

“Anyway, let me be sincere with you… one day I just missed you and I opened your fb account and I found some of your fb girlfriends online… and I was tempted to chat with one girl in your name but I did not like the way she was giving you the complements… I know you are handsome but…” But what…? I asked? She kept quiet and she turned off the webcam…

Why are you becoming so insecure now…? I asked and I continued talking. Alice, I love you and I want you to be secure... Darling many are the times when fb friends make comments of complements on my photos but their words does not change anything... It`s you I love Alice, you are the girl of my choice, no one but you…. I know we never had enough time to be together but I still believe in the small moments that we have had when I was down there...I said. “… James, you know that I love you too and I’m very jealous of you… but I believe it’s only you who can remove this feeling of insecurity I have…” She said and later I came to realized that she just wanted to draw my attention…

One week later after a small quarrel, which I believe brought in confidence and more trust in our relationship… I received a letter from her:

“Dear James,

I say a million thanks to God for giving me this opportunity of writing few words to you. It’s my prayer that you are fine physically and spiritually. All is well here but you also left me “nobulwele bwa mutima,” which is “amatontokanyo”. I have been failing to think of anything else and studies for me now are harder than before.

Anyway I do not know what to say or to share with you my love. However, I would like to begin with thanking you for your letter and for the nice photos you sent me… and thank you for who you are to me, though it is difficult to express myself “pe pepala” (on the paper). “Unjeleleko” (forgive me) but I’m hoping to do it properly… when you come back and in years to come… As I have said about my sickness in my introduction part; James even for me, ever since I came to know you I have never been normal. Almost every time, I think about you. Those three occasions we met have left memories bigger than the world. I try to control my thoughts… but it is impossible for me to avoid it. How do you overcome yourself from thinking about me? Many times I talk, smile and laugh alone. Am told to be a happy person by my friends… but I failed to share with any of them the source of my happiness, which is you... My darling, you have brought happiness in my world as well, you make me smile and look forward... I’m very happy and proud of you. I feel comfortable whenever I’m talking to you, “Ala kuno njendafye cilumba cilumba” (I walk majestically) “bose balapapa” (they are all surprised). You have changed me as well... You are a mature person and a responsible man. I always wish you were my brother… I’m sure your sister and your brothers happy and proud of you.

Seeing your photos that you enclosed in your letter which I received a week ago… “insansa shicili mumatobo ine nemunobe” (I’m still happy). Thank you for showing me how important I ‘am to you. When you were young, you seemed to be serious but I cannot tell by looking at a picture. Then as Mr.James, you have grown very handsome “Napapata amenso panshi” (please keep your eyes down). I know even Italian girls cannot let you walk alone… “Mukese tupashishakofye umwana then if you want mukacite ifyo mulefwaya. Mwaumfwe? Icimutwe!!!!!”

Years come and go but memories will be there always. In 2007, I was in love with a man, who pretended to love me. I loved him so crazily... Nevertheless, I thank God; I never shared anything real with him not even a kiss... That experience has taught me a lot and I hope not to go through the same. Despite the doubts I have in our distance relationship but I trust you. I have many boyfriends but none of them I can compare you to. So take care of my feelings ba James please!!! I’m a real and pure virgin… and I would like to renew my promises as well… I will keep it for you. My intention is to love you for better and for worse until the Lord says it’s now over. I have said this because in you I see a man who can understand and accept me the way I’m.

Wise, men say “it is not by pulling off the petals of the flower that you can get its beauty.” Diplomatic people interpolate it in their own words... but a poor girl like me not rich in knowledge I can say; we all need patience to know each other... Although am not mature in the way I behave and do things, I feel very old enough to have you as my own… and I hope you will help me to be a person you need me to be... Therefore, it is up to you to be serious and real with what you say or do. Maggie (My friend), likes to tell me that “two wrongs can make a right”. I’m happy each time I hear these wisdom words from her... James, we all know our past and where we are but we do not know where we are going… thus lets be focused, I cannot wait to see the hour you will take me to the altar.

Mother Theresa one of my favorite saints said; “what you do does not matter but the effort you put matters most.” I’m talking about school now. Please don’t worst time playing around; you are not there for picnic. Opportunity comes once in one’s life. Hence, do not worst time anyhow, the girl you know is very understanding. I mean I will understand and give you chance to study. Time will come when I will be failing to understand you. I would like to see you prosper. Study and remain focused sweetheart. i love very much!!!

You will always be within my heart.

Sincerely, Alice.”