Saturday, 21 January 2012

I married you. (part 15)

Since, I was working in Ndola town and I was going at ‹‹Christ the King’s Cathedral church›› and Alice was working in Luanshya… We were given a couple Mr. and Mrs. Mwanza who started giving us lessons on ‹‹marriage life›› according to Catholic marriage doctrine. Mr. and Mrs. Mwanza’s couple was inspiring to us… we used to have lessons once in a week at their home place and Alice used to come every Wednesdays… each time we entered in their house we all felt at home…

The last lesson just a week before our wedding day was the best lesson that I and Alice shall never forget

‹‹James and Alice, Marriage is like a cage; those outside are desperate to get in, and
those inside are desperate to get out
… and from my understanding, what makes a couple becomes desperate in that cage, is the means you used to get in it... some they use a SEX entrance, some use LOVE entrance and others the LEAVE entrance... Mostly, couples who get in the cage through sex entrance they suffer a lot, when marriage gets sick and they become desperate inside; Said Mr. Mwanza and Mrs. Mwanza concluded; thank God it can be cured if they are both willing…

“SEX ENTRANCE; this door is used mostly to young men and women in courtship… they think sharing sex at the stage of their relationship is health and helpful in strengthening their love… but in reality this becomes a disease in future ‹‹marriage life›› …sex is a very small aspect of love... with time you will understand that a health marriage is not built up by it but by real love… As a young woman in a relationship, you should learn how to keep your man’s fancy for you on fire… I mean; keep him desiring for it as you look forward for a wedding day… do not give in much for sex outside marriage, because it may become a disease in your marriage and you will not even realize the cause by then… you can only tell when you hear your partner in bed starts giving you excuses… ‹‹I’m tired… it’s too hot… we shall do it later…›› etc and later you see a couple start suffering from sexual starvation. Hence, one becomes desperate in that cage and later marriage dies…” said Mr. Mwanza.

“LOVE ENTRANCE; Love is a big body that can’t be reduced to sex making… If this door is used to get into your ‹‹marriage life›› the marriage will stand the test of time. Love is a inner influence; by inner influence I mean; …that feeling that comes in you when you look in the eyes of a person you love… when your eyes meets and you cannot speak …you get weak in the knees …your heart skips a couple of beats, your souls touch one another and a feeling inside you grows that none of you can put it in words, to make the other one understand… and since, you can’t define or describe it… you will both have task to put your feelings in practice so as to help your partner realize it… ‹‹marriage life›› suffers a lot if one of you does not know how to interpret his inner feelings into actions or in words… Besides, you both have a task to learn your friend’s language; by language here I mean; what you will say and only two of you can understand… your partners face should be a news paper that only your eye can read…” said Mrs. Mwanza.

LEAVING ENTRANCE; Let me just explain what Mr. Mwanza meant by leaving entrances, in the cage as we put it in today’s topic… many young men and women they love and hurry to get married but they do not understand what it means to LEAVE their family and make one family and one body with their partner... When God said; ‹‹a man shall leave his family and join a woman to become one body›› He did not mean leave in the sense of leaving and forgetting about your father and mother NO!!! But this leaving is where you become a head of your house and the head of kitchen… Alice, the head of kitchen I mean, when you visit your parents you should know that their kitchen is no longer yours and when your mother visits your house you should know that you are the head of that kitchen and never shall your mother get busy cooling for your husband… For you James, leaving means; been responsible of your young family and know the friends you associate with at working places or in society… If one still feels to belong to her or his maternal family even after marriage, then that becomes a disease in ‹‹marriage life.›› Because you will always want to go out to see your mother, old friends etc... Stay at home and make your husband has your new model of life… Said Mrs. Mwanza.

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