Monday, 16 January 2012

I married you. (part 13)

I quarreled with her.

This was the first time I got upset with her, not because she wrote that but because she did not inform me. We have been talking on msn and texting a lot but why didn’t she tell me that…? As I was thinking that, she replied;

“If you were embarrassed over that, then I’m sorry I did not know that your girlfriends at school will be mad with you…”

After reading this sms, I got more upset with her, so in the evening I called her on ‘msn’ and we talked for at least 3 hours… during this talk Alice, spoke less… she was not herself... Alice, are you sure just that sms I wrote has made you so sad that you don’t even what to talk nicely with me? I asked her… “No… no… ” she said. What could be the reason then…? What have I done dear? You know that I’m not happy to hear you in this tone of your voice…

“Anyway, let me be sincere with you… one day I just missed you and I opened your fb account and I found some of your fb girlfriends online… and I was tempted to chat with one girl in your name but I did not like the way she was giving you the complements… I know you are handsome but…” But what…? I asked? She kept quiet and she turned off the webcam…

Why are you becoming so insecure now…? I asked and I continued talking. Alice, I love you and I want you to be secure... Darling many are the times when fb friends make comments of complements on my photos but their words does not change anything... It`s you I love Alice, you are the girl of my choice, no one but you…. I know we never had enough time to be together but I still believe in the small moments that we have had when I was down there...I said. “… James, you know that I love you too and I’m very jealous of you… but I believe it’s only you who can remove this feeling of insecurity I have…” She said and later I came to realized that she just wanted to draw my attention…

One week later after a small quarrel, which I believe brought in confidence and more trust in our relationship… I received a letter from her:

“Dear James,

I say a million thanks to God for giving me this opportunity of writing few words to you. It’s my prayer that you are fine physically and spiritually. All is well here but you also left me “nobulwele bwa mutima,” which is “amatontokanyo”. I have been failing to think of anything else and studies for me now are harder than before.

Anyway I do not know what to say or to share with you my love. However, I would like to begin with thanking you for your letter and for the nice photos you sent me… and thank you for who you are to me, though it is difficult to express myself “pe pepala” (on the paper). “Unjeleleko” (forgive me) but I’m hoping to do it properly… when you come back and in years to come… As I have said about my sickness in my introduction part; James even for me, ever since I came to know you I have never been normal. Almost every time, I think about you. Those three occasions we met have left memories bigger than the world. I try to control my thoughts… but it is impossible for me to avoid it. How do you overcome yourself from thinking about me? Many times I talk, smile and laugh alone. Am told to be a happy person by my friends… but I failed to share with any of them the source of my happiness, which is you... My darling, you have brought happiness in my world as well, you make me smile and look forward... I’m very happy and proud of you. I feel comfortable whenever I’m talking to you, “Ala kuno njendafye cilumba cilumba” (I walk majestically) “bose balapapa” (they are all surprised). You have changed me as well... You are a mature person and a responsible man. I always wish you were my brother… I’m sure your sister and your brothers happy and proud of you.

Seeing your photos that you enclosed in your letter which I received a week ago… “insansa shicili mumatobo ine nemunobe” (I’m still happy). Thank you for showing me how important I ‘am to you. When you were young, you seemed to be serious but I cannot tell by looking at a picture. Then as Mr.James, you have grown very handsome “Napapata amenso panshi” (please keep your eyes down). I know even Italian girls cannot let you walk alone… Mukese tupashishakofye umwana then if you want mukacite ifyo mulefwaya. Mwaumfwe? Icimutwe!!!!!”

Years come and go but memories will be there always. In 2007, I was in love with a man, who pretended to love me. I loved him so crazily... Nevertheless, I thank God; I never shared anything real with him not even a kiss... That experience has taught me a lot and I hope not to go through the same. Despite the doubts I have in our distance relationship but I trust you. I have many boyfriends but none of them I can compare you to. So take care of my feelings ba James please!!! I’m a real and pure virgin… and I would like to renew my promises as well… I will keep it for you. My intention is to love you for better and for worse until the Lord says it’s now over. I have said this because in you I see a man who can understand and accept me the way I’m.

Wise, men say “it is not by pulling off the petals of the flower that you can get its beauty.” Diplomatic people interpolate it in their own words... but a poor girl like me not rich in knowledge I can say; we all need patience to know each other... Although am not mature in the way I behave and do things, I feel very old enough to have you as my own… and I hope you will help me to be a person you need me to be... Therefore, it is up to you to be serious and real with what you say or do. Maggie (My friend), likes to tell me that “two wrongs can make a right”. I’m happy each time I hear these wisdom words from her... James, we all know our past and where we are but we do not know where we are going… thus lets be focused, I cannot wait to see the hour you will take me to the altar.

Mother Theresa one of my favorite saints said; “what you do does not matter but the effort you put matters most.” I’m talking about school now. Please don’t worst time playing around; you are not there for picnic. Opportunity comes once in one’s life. Hence, do not worst time anyhow, the girl you know is very understanding. I mean I will understand and give you chance to study. Time will come when I will be failing to understand you. I would like to see you prosper. Study and remain focused sweetheart. i love very much!!!

You will always be within my heart.

Sincerely, Alice.”

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